Dear Angered One:
Swami return because so many ask me this question.
Etsy like cheap whore. At first they not cost so much. Then you wake up with STD and realize doctor very, very expensive.
Do you go back? Yes. Whore better than wank.
Sales better than principled exit to job as fry guy.
Pleased the Swami is to assist you.
Dearest Curious:
Swami get questions like this all the time.
Swami suggest you send gifts. Better make holy pilgrimage to Brooklyn and bring gifts in person. That way you can also literally kiss their asses.
Pleased the Swami is to assist you.
Dear Baby Prop One:
Swami too confused about baby prop. Why buy prop when you can just have baby? Is it to fool the IRS at tax time to get special child deduction?
Dearest Mouse:
Swami love you too. Swami love all creatures great and small. Love not just for when drunk. Love is for all time.
I love humanity like I love Etsy. Both have loads of assholes.
Dearest Animal:
Swami say Etsy not Ebay junior. Swami would call it Ebay: The Sequel.
Swami still have some faith in miracles and hope the red headed god can smote all that which trouble Etsy with flaming hair powers.
Pleased the Swami is to assist you.
How to become an honorary admin.
Dear $$$,
Swami say only market can determine true value of items you make. Maybe no one willing to pay for your stuff.
Swami suggest you buy shop critique on Etsy to see if there are any improvements that can be made. Maybe you need a banner made from stock photography.
Swami also think you try should get in many thousands of treasuries. Treasury like the international convention of circle jerking. You feature me, I feature you, we all feature each other, over and over and over. It like giant back scratching porn party.
Pleased the Swami is to assist you.
Dear Mojo free:
Swami say sometimes best not to get too worked up. Be calm and peaceful instead to find Etsy nirvana. Etsy forum can be like sex with husband in other ways too. Lots of bum licking and taking it up the vindaloo highway. Swami suggest you avoid altogether.
Dear Stalker:
Swami have Ashram in Brooklyn, India. Take the F train and get off at Calcutta. Hire rickshaw to take you into mountain. When you see inflatable Pabst can, you have found my holy ground.
For your assets please make holy donation to “Please Hire a Communications Manager Fund” c/o Etsy Board.
Pleased the Swami is to assist you.
Dear April One:
Swami say one does not need to belittle others to get into Etsy good graces. But sure does seem to help.
Swami also recommend dear one is to make holy pilgrimage to Brooklyn and lie prostrate upon the desk of Holy Rokali. Say “Add to Circle” three times while quietly tapping a mason jar night light. Then leave holy offering of macarons and slowly walk out on hands and knees chanting “I know you take my privacy seriously.”
Pleased the Swami is to assist you.
